You may need an old and run down tunnel to crawl through, and come out the other side to a new dimension, where the light shines bright on the spring leaves, just as it does on the winter snow.
There is no sense in resisting the musty smell of the narrow pathway you need to cross, because you know there is nothing more you want other than to be in the open again.
Crawling right through without being delayed by selfish notions, is a lonely, but the only way to free yourself of being in the hole. Worth the while you would think, and love the adventure, but maybe only in retrospect. Which is once you get to the other side of the ruin.
A game that is intelligent enough to know that It is even better than having had the open fields all along, which you may have otherwise just taken for granted.

But as soon as time in the tunnel, which feels like an eternity, is forgotten, and moving forward was the only choice to avoid becoming one with the rust, then, there will remain no gap, between when you were on your fours and when you were standing facing the sun, sunken in the timeless.
Would you ever then be bored of a repetitive cyclic occurrence, having gone through the worst; sucked into a hole which offered no variance?
Could you ever call something old and run down, when your vision has gained depth and you can see through a lens which appreciates the texture of the instant, rather than the story it represents?
Everything fresh and new at all times is not a fantasy but a reality when your eyes are open and all you ever see is life appearing as your vision. But was veiled while you believed you were crawling.
For the truth is, you always only had your eyes open and all you ever saw was life appearing as your vision: crawling or standing in the sun, was only an interpretation of the dynamics.

Alchemy, the conversion of rock into a precious metal, may need some digging deep and crawling. Finding that treasure and bringing it into the world to share your story of rags to riches, can only happen if you are willing to bear a few bruises and burns, on the way to declaring magic.

Know nothing

I have something to say to you and I will say it a thousand times till you hear what I have to say.
Until you listen, really listen…
Hear, what I have to say.

Where you think you are geographically, personally or spiritually is just a visualization.
You are invisible.
Everything that appears to you is a concept ,
Even that you are the one.
There is no continuity of time, neither is there any kind of progression.
Now appears and now disappears for another now.
Unless you believe with a logical mindset that you are seeing the same images everyday, every smallest part of a Millisecond is fresh and new.
You can stay as this to which there is only this spontaneous adventure of eternal delight.
Or you can choose to define yourself as your name, story, personality and what not.

How can you know this you ask?
Maybe through questioning what all this was about.
It's not really rocket science for which you might need a degree.
It is by your own your capacity to understand the truth through your experience of life and time and death and strife.
And allowing yourself to accept that you know absolutely nothing.

Who am I

It came about as I was watching a scene in a movie, where the protagonist is crying to her God about her troubles…
An insight spoke out and asked, "where is this trouble she speaks about when she sleeps?"
Where is her story when she sleeps?
Where is she when she sleeps!?
Isn't the truth that she is that which she disappears into when she sleeps?
Isn't that which is always here and is totally beyond life and death?
Totally beyond being human or anything else?
But you don't want to hear this for it will shatter your world…
You don't want to hear this because, it is just too radical…
So continue as you will.
But the truth will wait for you to finally see that you are that which is beyond all images and appearances …Indescribable yet the only thing that is. Absolutely everything is included within this dream of being awake as a human, or awake as consciousness.
And this needs to be seen through as just as illusory as the imagined stories.
It doesn't matter then if there is silence or noise.
What can you say about yourself when everything including consciousness is an appearance within this that does not appear or disappear ?
Don't even know if it can be said that this is within, for it could just as well be without.
Because in the end it joins the smoke and mirrors that was reflected as yourself, when you see that there is no you…
Only That.

Discouraging encouragement toward sprituality

In spiritual disciplines, we usually find advise to not follow desires, to not indulge in extremities, to not go with your restless energies etc. This might work as a fake it till you make it concept. But the truth is, that the spiritual inclination is something we cannot always explain. Especially if it is genuine.  Because it has not reason or rationality to it. There might have been some reason when you decided to explore it to feel good, or be happy or to end suffering. But then you enter a stage after that which is completely destructive to your story in life. At this stage you cannot go back to your old ways of following a good feeling, be it though a meditative or yoga practice or the bliss of the quiet mountains or indulgence in material things. At this stage you are fully aware of the raging war inside you between truth and illusion. And here you had better allow truth to win and this might be at the cost of all your illusions, or in other words your false beliefs, your ideas, ideologies, your bullshit, being confronted and slain by your own awareness of them. There is nothing angelic about this stage. It can be painful and you may not always see clearly. But your love and intention is the only thing that will take you through it. If anything you will walk around with your hair in shambles and barely hanging on to your bearings. But even in this war zone, something inside you might still be smiling, because you know that this is pure grace. It does not feel like the doom that you experienced when you were still a full person with insecurities based on what you were conditioned by. This is a sacred destruction, Shiva’s destruction, he being the symbol for the destroyer of illusions. So spirituality is not for you if you have a lot to lose. Because you can be rest assured you will lose absolutely everything. Not necessary that you will end up on the streets. Although that is possibility as well. But the point is that it won’t matter to you what you lose in the realm of illusions, because you know that you have no choice but to see it through to the end. It calls for a love and faith that is way bigger than all your insecurities and fears. The left brained logical mind might call this stupid. But you know that this is what you are here for. If you have a doubt then you mustn’t even get on this journey. Not to discourage, but that it what it calls for. And if you are not willing to die to this, you could be stuck in a place you don’t want to be and settle for less, which would be a sellout. In the end you will see how beautifully things turn out, with you out of the way. You will see all your fears were nothing but mirrors showing you scary reflections of your mind’s imagination which came from conditioning that was projected on you through the ignorance of the world around you. So you need to go inward and remove this conditioning so the spontaneity can flow.

The desirelessness,  the restfulness, the peace, the silence, the contentment for no reason, are all the result of a true and genuine transformation. In fact if there is a desire, you might as well go with it till it exhausts itself. If your seeking is genuine, then you will set up sweet disaster for yourself at every step, which will by itself refine your tastes to appreciating and creating peace, love and joy as your natural state that does not depend on anything outside yourself. This will be your experience when you, as a person with all your ideas come to an end and silence expresses as depth, intensity, fearlessness, love and purity.  You will then experience yourself as everything and nothing, you will then experience yourself as timelessness.

As you see yourself in this light, your need to accumulate wealth, your need to consume, and you need to chase experiences, will be replaced with intense appreciation for all that is. If a large number of us transform to this state, we wouldn’t cut down trees like there is no tomorrow to build blocks of ugly high-rises that block out the sun and increase the heat. We wouldn’t pollute the earth through excessive consumption of fuels that emit poison into the air. We wouldn’t hoard at the expense of the less fortunate. We wouldn’t hurt animals to wear things we think make us stand out in society and feel good about ourselves. We wouldn’t see distinctions between anything be it people  or other species and hence there would be no wars or terror. We would be simply love expressing love.

But it is your choice.



Personality a disorder by itself

As I read more and more these days about personality disorders of all sorts, it makes me wonder if there is really a personality which is not a disorder. Every description I have read of sociopaths or narcissists, I can associate with some people I have had relationships with, and it seems natural now given my characteristics of being an empath. An empath also needs to find freedom from the pain of being so sensitive to everything around them which makes them just as “troubled” to say the least.

Every “person” if you look closely have all these disorders in some small quantities or the other as we find ourselves in fits of rage or depression or some kind of frenzy or the other. And if you are too balanced then there could be a serial killer waiting to get out, who knows. One thing that we have done so far in the world is blame our childhood and circumstances or experiences for our imbalances. But while they might have had an affect on us, we still have the power to see through all of them if we wake up to our true identities which is not confined to any one type of “personality”.

We are open consciousness that can take any shape and form including good or bad personalities. If we rise above this consciousness and can be the awareness which is aware of our consciousness we will be able to observe our thought patterns, reactions and tendencies from a detached point of view. This will allow the tendencies that we carry to be seen in the clarity of awareness which can then transform it to lightness and love and break the old patterns. It does take some meditative practice to be able to bring yourself to see that you are this awareness which is above all else, even consciousness, and allow it the space to function as your life, an expression of clarity, peace, love and happiness. How else do you save the world from yourself? The world needs to be saved from these damaged personalities and nothing else. Every problem we face is due to these personalities. Our war should be against this illusion we have lived by and our victory will be in transforming ourselves.

Excerpt from a book Im writing

What if you were told that you are your destiny. You are already where you will be 20 years from now. You are exactly where you were 20 years ago. You are at your highest place right now. Through you destiny is being fulfilled with no time or distance standing is your way. You only need to realize this and stop trying to get anywhere or search for anything anymore so it can fully reveal itself. As you live more from this fulfilled space, your own fulfillment reaches into the physical world and transforms it and aligns it to your natural state of being totally fulfilled.

This space of fulfillment paradoxically is also very empty. Empty of all identification with what happens, with roles, past and future references and thoughts of any kind. It is through your apparatus of being present here in your form that you can recognize this space within yourself. We use many methods like Yoga and Meditation to connect with this space. But in reality it is the only space that it alive. The reality we are used to functioning from most of our lives is only a projection of our mental state, and hence all the chaos. When reality begins to function in the world from this space of empty fulfillment, all you will witness is a flow of immense mystery through a stillness which is a pure knowing. Knowing of itself to be this that cannot be put in words. Yet we communicate this to each other in so many ways through our multiple forms and expressions. This world is simply an expression of this silence.

The bodily feeling of this is as if you are in an atmosphere which has similar qualities as water, buoyant and full. You feel more like this “presence” that includes your body, other bodies, everything that your mind perceives and your heart knows more, than you have a feeling of being the separate person with a separate body and  a separate life, anymore. In a sense you lose your life in this space as you become life itself. It a total shift of perception and your mind might take a long time adjusting to this. Not knowing how to orient itself, you might find your mind getting confused and disoriented, not knowing how to “be” in the world. Everything that has been learnt is cast off in a single swoop and you may have no idea what to now refer to as you go about trying to live your life. You have no rules or principles of dos and don’ts or rights and wrongs. Atleast none that the mind had concluded as being real and true. But intuitively you know life moves a certain way and you are required to respond in every moment to life in relativity. You will slowly learn to respond more from an intuitive sense than from concepts that your mind held. The people around you might accuse you of changing and being erratic and confused. But you should know and allow yourself to go through this period without judging yourself so you can open up to the infinite mysteries of yourself. For the mind to come to terms with this change could take long depending on how much resistance and fear you have of the unknown. You will be able to respond only in the moment so don’t go making big statements anymore about anything. It might surprise you how much you contradict yourself and you might realize what you said  and what your mind thinks as being the ideal answer has nothing to do with what seems like the right thing to do when the moment actually arrives.

Total clarity comes when the mind stops fighting and resisting, and surrenders to this wisdom of the heart which is spontaneous. There are no more decisions to make then or any future to worry about and the past becomes obsolete.  You are free of all ideas of responsibilities and roles and yet you respond to life much better that you did when you worried about it. Everything that needs your attention gets your attention and with the added bonus of unconditional love shining on it making whatever your attention falls on blossom into the most beautiful creation. All the times that you worried about how you were going to carry on in the world and how you were going to take care of your responsibilities dissolve in the timeless now where you find your permanent residence. If you have had an idea that you needed to achieve great things, setting goals and dreams which you thought you would be working towards, you might find all of them meet their end in this timelessness, and in this end they will be realized as a reality now and not just a dream of the future. This happens when, how you see yourself shifts from the person that needs to strive to get from point a. to point b. to a presence in which point a. and point b. are all in the same place. You are already where you aspire to be. It won’t even matter which point you are at anymore because in truth you are above this realm where points can be plotted. You are presence, and the whole notion of achievement and points are completely pointless here. It is only when you compete with yourself and others that you need to change and grow and achieve and set goals. It makes no sense to do this when your view is from the top which looks down at all the running around you did up until that point, amazed at how much you believed in that reality.

No real obstacle

The only obstacle is lack of clarity. With the spiritual practice all that we look for is clarity. Clarity of who we are, clarity of why life can sometimes be hard while other times hopeful and clarity of why everything seems temporary in the foreground of a sense of eternity. When we get into the spiritual practice, we have the sense that we have something profound to discover and are sometimes willing to let go of everything including our own “lives”. The sense or belief is that there is a person who is making all these sacrifices and going through a journey to reach a higher self or spirit. In the journey you may discover that there is no real you other than as this spirit which has no residence anywhere, it being formless with no description. None-the-less you are still perceiving a world of form in which everyone functions as if they are all individual entities. There may be an in-between period, where you get completely disoriented not finding yourself anywhere, yet everything still seeming very real. In this period you might find that you don’t really know how to function anymore since you are not driven by the old motivations, and yet you have no new motivation or can’t really see any new inspiration, and are left searching without knowing what it is you look for. All the reservations you have about yourself and for your inspiration to come forth, you need to see for yourself that you never journeyed from person to spirit, but it was always spirit that journeyed into manifestation. Spirit was always clearing away the false sense of self to come forth into the world and express as life. There is no you as a person who needs  to find inspiration, the spirit is the inspiration. You are the spirit that expresses as ‘life’ so to speak, or the moment or the now. When you see this you realise that the journey is a ‘becoming’ in the direction of creation rather than a person trying to ‘be spiritual’. The one who makes the journey is the dimensionless spirit towards everything in time and not the other way around.  Then the orientation of the spirit is recognized as being towards enlivening, enlightening and illuminating its own way and transcend being lost in the dimension of form. The true you who is indescribable having no place to reach, being everywhere and everything, has the potential to expand infinitely through every dimension exploring itself and exploding as expression.

The freedom is the space created for spirit to be itself by clearing out the sense of a false you who acted as a person. The obstacle is the belief that you are someone and this stands as ‘I’ in the mind which blocks clarity and self realization. Hence with nobody to stand in the way and no more decisions to make, the spirit is free to thrive as life and creation. The reason if any for this journey of back and forth between form and the formless is simply love and desire to experience its own infinity, subtle or substantial.